Everyone deals with grief in different ways, Eggsy. ( take him, for example; occasionally getting pick-me-up plastered and needing a ride home because of the ghost of harry hart that still torments him because he lets it.
but even headily intoxicated, roxy has more tact than to say that. she swallows that observation for a later date and continues to wax poetic about about the pain of loss. )
There's no right or wrong way about it. Besides that, it'd be a private matter, not something we flaunt the second we pull up in the moving truck. It could be a very effective nail in the coffin of our emotional manipulation — ( being vulnerable around people tend to make them trust you. or rather, made them feel superior to you ) — as well as explain away any inconsistencies between us as a couple.
( and she tips er wine glass at him, like that's his queue to go oooh and cheers her for this thorough thought process. )
( the arm with the umbrella gets trapped between them when he hugs her; the tactfully designed weapon is also 100% water resistient, but held at such an awkward, crooked angle just means water is running off the top and down her back. which completely negates the purpose of having an umbrella in the first place. but roxy ultimately doesn't mind in the long run.
her unengaged arm hesitates, then snakes around so she can splay her palm between his shoulder blades and press — just a little bit of reaffirming pressure before she rubs her hand in a soothing circle (of assessment). after a few strokes, a few beats, a few breaths against her lapel, roxy pulls away to get a better look at his face. )
You alright?
( because eggsy's rather touchy feely. it's a good thing, a great thing, and something she's come to crave as a sort of cathardic release just as much as the next person in an intense, high stress work environment. but there's something tired about the way he leans on her, and it's concerning. )
[It's not often that Eggsy gets the chance to engage in some fun that doesn't also involve putting his life at risk, these days. Which he isn't complaining about, he honestly isn't. He wouldn't give up being a Kingsman for the world, but now any excitement he enjoys also comes with a hearty serving of fearing for his life, and that wears down even on the hardiest of people.
So what they've got planned at HQ today is a real treat. Merlin's long training session for new Kingsman agents (to replace the scum who had sold their souls to Valentine) has finally come to an end, and they've got two new Knights to break in: Gareth and Tristan. Eggsy hasn't actually learned their real names yet, but he will at some point.
They're celebrating, and doing that in true Kingsman fashion: with guns. Not real guns, of course, but paintball guns. It's going to be two-on-two, Galahad and Lancelot against Tristan and Gareth, a proper hazing with Merlin as their judge.
They've set up a makeshift paintball arena on the front lawn, complete with barricades and trenches and the like, and all four of them are in jumpsuits that can handle a bit of paint staining. They'll be having some cake and such afterward, but first they've got to put the fresh meat in its place.
Because there's no way he and Roxy are losing this. Eggsy glances over at her as he straps on his gloves and checks to see that his gun is loaded up with paint pellets. JB is laid out nearby, wearing a pair of sunglasses that fit him surprisingly well. (As soon as Eggsy figured out that little trick, he hardly goes anywhere without making JB model them.)]
So should we go easy on them or completely destroy them? [Either way they were going to win, but Eggsy doesn't know quite how mean they should be.]
[Any English person worth their salt is of the belief that tea is a cure-all, an elixir that will patch up any wound. If nothing else, it should offer some kind of comfort after what appears to have been a long day for Roxy.
Eggsy doesn't ask for her help, and is relieved when she doesn't try beyond fetching the mugs. It's not like putting the kettle on is a particularly difficult task, but as Eggsy focuses it, he reflects on how relieved he is that his mum took Daisy out for a walk. Whatever is going on here, it's probably for the best that he and Roxy are alone.
She finally comes out with it. Percival -- in other words, the Knight who nominated Roxy to become Lancelot in the first place. Eggsy knows only enough to realize how serious this is. That Percival is a part of Roxy's family in some way, and that she's known him since she was a little girl. Which makes it seem kind of insane that he would have put her name in for the most dangerous job in the world, but that's not the point right now.
Someone Roxy cares about is in critical condition, and not even in a hospital that's within their control. Eggsy turns (and tries to make the action smooth instead of sharp) and looks Roxy over; endeavors to meet her gaze but fails, as she looks stalwartly at the floor.]
You gonna fly out, then? [It seems like the logical thing to do -- they have Kingsman's entire fleet of private jets on-hand.] If he's in Germany -- it's not that far.
[Eggsy could say he's sorry, or that he hopes that Percival would be all right, but those will just be empty words right now. It seems more productive to focus on what they can do, even if it's just Roxy being there to support Percival as he struggles to pull through.]
[Oh, Eggsy knows a thing or two about grief now, that much is impossible to deny. He does his best to anyway, though, not interested in talking about it most of the time, except for when he is, and then he feels as if he might explode if he doesn't get the words out of his system fast enough. Merlin's the one who's had to bear the brunt of that, though.
He definitely isn't in one of those moods now. It's much easier for him to focus on their potential fake dead child. Roxy makes a good point, that they could spin the lie and sell it over time, but he's still wary to go with something that heavy.]
What inconsistencies?
[Does she mean that they won't be very convincing as two people who are supposed to be in love? Because yes, that might be a problem, and explaining it away by citing the strain of a lost child would give it all some more legitimacy.
They're really going to go through with this, aren't they. Eggsy sighs and knocks back most of the rest of his glass of wine, as horrific of an idea as that is. The sourness has him wincing as he sets the glass down on the nearby table.]
Maybe we should be fighting a lot. That's usually what happens when two people lose a child, right? It tears their whole relationship apart.
[Which is depressing, but if they're going with this scenario they may as well do it right. And Eggsy has heard enough domestic disputes that he could fake one easily enough.]
[It's possible that the hug would have lasted a lot longer if Roxy hadn't pulled back, mainly because Eggsy doesn't have the energy right now to do more than just flop most of his weight onto someone else. He should have slept on the flight in, but he's not any good at sleeping on planes. What he needs now is his bed, and the thought of it is so good that he could cry.
Not that he does, of course, instead letting his eyes track over Roxy's face as she fixes him with a worried look. He's barely got the brain power to register every shift in her expression, but then again, he no longer has to worry about playing a game, or having an angle. Roxy is just Roxy, and that's why it's so good to see her again.]
Yeah. Just... dead on my feet.
[He rubs at his eye and then realizes that Roxy is getting rained on, so he presses on the stem of the umbrella to angle it back slightly. There isn't really enough space for both of them to fit under it, so he starts to move toward the car.]
( it's been 30 hours since she was cleared to go home after a close brush with death. but there's still a puncture wound just above her hip and really, really heavy duty painkillers in her system. )
( she grins at eggsy while he peels away from her; out from under the umbrella and back into the rain to circle the car and open the passenger door. it's the stupid kind of smile that doesn't go away, either; the slaphappy, content grin that roxy treats the wet pavement to as she follows in his wake, collapsing her umbrella in order to slide into the drivers seat with a decent amount of grace. )
Merlin's asked me to retrieve you for a debrief — ( and he's probably got trackers in everything they own, so she's not exactly about to disobey him outright, but... ) — but afterwards I was thinking we could grab a drink. Or I can just take you home, I'm sure your jetlagged. ( which is her polite way of telling him that, yes, you look dead on your feet, eggsy. )
We could be. We could also be trying to work through it.
( eggsy downs his wine in one big gulp, and roxy feels a little sorry that she's driven him to drink. it is a sour idea and a hard sell, but it had been the most solid one she could think of; a direct appeal to pathos, a very visceral hurt that would have anyone sympathetic to their loss.
and they're kind of super secret spies. if they couldn't sell a good lie, kingsman really had no use to them.
though the prospect of livingbreathingsleepingeating roxanne and gary alden 24/7 is a bit daunting, roxy sees it as something of a challenge at this point. and like all other things she challenges herself to do, with execute this one perfectly. but while she's not worried about eggsy's committment to their roles once they had them all hammered down, she's a good friend and a little worried about his heart. so with the fingers not wrapped around the stem of her wine glass, she reaches out to pat the back of his hand. )
I remember reading about the psychological strains of undercover work, and the importance of checking emotional baggage at the door, both in and out. So if, starting Wednesday, it just feels right to yell and scream at, and to hate each other, we ought to work with that. But please know that no matter what we say to each other, I still love you, alright?
[While it might be fucking hilarious to see that in person (and he could just pop on over), Eggsy figures he should do the responsible thing and let her get her rest.
The bone-crushing relief of Roxy having survived still hasn't worn off.]
( that answer is simply, and quick to the tip of her tongue. her eyes are blessedly dry, but for some reason her nose is still clogged, and roxy has to fight the urge to sniffle pathetically and rub her upper lip. )
I figured it would be best — I shouldn't let emotion cloud my judgement. I could be needed here, and he'll probably be alright.
[Once Eggsy settles in the passenger seat, he wipes any stray droplets of rain away. He should dry off quick enough, not having gotten that wet in the first place, although the urge to put on a fresh set of clothing is very much present.
The idea of going through a debrief right now makes him want to blow his brains out just a bit, and the way that he groans and slumps bodily against the seat makes no secret of that. Still, he also knows better than to ignore the order. Merlin would know. He always knows.]
A drink would be brilliant, yeah. [Eggsy closes his eyes as the car begins to move -- he's just resting them, that's all.] And yeah, after that -- home. [The word feels sweet in his mouth. Home.]
[Trying to work through it and failing, maybe. It seems like they should both have good reason to reach out to their targets as shoulders to cry on, so to speak.
This is the part of the job that Eggsy still needs a lot of practice in -- it's not something they'd covered much in their initial testing, and while he'd pulled off being Chester King for a short while, his cover had also been blown almost immediately. (Fucking Charlie.)
Still, at least he's doing this with Roxy. Granted, most of the other Kingsman agents are men two or three times his age, so that wouldn't have worked particularly well. Merlin had seemed rather pleased that he had two young, attractive agents to send off and pretend to be married whenever the occasion required it.
When Roxy reaches out for him, though, and starts going on about some other study she read, Eggsy meets her eyes, taken aback by how directly she says that she loves him. She means as a friend, of course, and there's never been any doubt that there's love between them, but it's one thing to know it and another to hear it.]
Of course. [Like he would take something like that personally. He knows where they stand.] And I -- I mean, it's mutual. We're just doing what we've got to so that we get the job done, yeah? [He flips his hand over and grasps Roxy's, giving it a quick squeeze.]
[Eggsy frowns at that and twists his mouth, because he has always let emotion cloud his judgment. He understands that it's a flaw by Kingsman standards, that Roxy had been able to point a gun at her dog and pull the trigger while he'd failed -- but he still thinks that had been a bullshit test. No offense to Roxy or anything, but the entire concept behind it was fucked up beyond belief.]
Roxy... [He leans himself up against the counter and crosses his arms, inclining his head toward her. He wants to reach out for her, but that might cause her to break down and she looks to be working hard at not doing that.]
There's a reason that there's so many of us Knights. We can be without you for a few days. Have you talked to Merlin 'bout it?
[Not that Eggsy's entirely sure what Merlin's opinion would be, but he also realizes that at the end of the day it's not up to him.]
( she nods decidedly, in complete agreement with his game plan and turning the keys in the engine.
it's rather common practice among the knights to compare their latest exploits. they don't see each other all that often, and most of their lives are comprised of kingsman adventures, so shop talk is an easy conversational track to fall into. there's always little things left off the mission reports, anyway; comical errors that nearly ended in death or off hours drinks with tall blondes with nice legs. their line of work is lucrative for hilarious and dramatic stories, and at least most of the time, agents come off their planes or into hq with a spring in their steps and can't wait to share.
but as they peel off of the airstrip and onto a rather empty side road that will eventually lead to a busier highway, and as eggsy closes his eyes and rhapsodizes about home (there's a lot of weight in that one word), roxy deduces that he probably doesn't want to talk about costa rica. )
I don't suppose you've heard about Kay's mishap in Malaysia?
( i love you feels like something that cheapens the more you say it. though, and roxy recognizes the root of her reservations, that could just be because she doesn't say it much outside of the realm of close, immediate family. and even then, with good breeding and the proper distance between parent and child in the name of independence, she hasn't gushed to her mother or father about how much she loved them in years. they were a reasonably healthy, functional family; i love you was practically written into the contract, it was only appropriate.
and now, apparently, appropriate here too — with eggsy, in her living room, while they prepared to go undercover for realstically about a month.
it's just a job, he preaches, and she smiles; nods and continuing the streak of uncharacteristic — drunk, we'll blame it on the wine — affection, lifts his hand to her mouth to press a quick kiss to his knuckles before disengaging and going for more wine. monday morning sees eggsy unwin sprawled all over her couch, waking to the sound of wine glasses being washed, and staying for tea. but then they part ways, independent adults as they are.
there's affairs to be put in order. merlin says they can take one dog, and conscious of his extended stint in costa rica last mission, roxy offers to put duchess in the kennel so their house pet can be jb. he's a good dog; spoiled and perpetually happy, which might take the edge off any really aggrieved emotions that could manifest under the stain of their facade. there's also the matter of wardrobe and furniture, which merlin leaves to them. kingsman has got a warehouse of cars, and probably about ten more of clothing, furniture, wigs, and weaponry; roxy makes a day of lounging around her flat (she misses it while they're away) and picking out the clothes, bed, dresser, and dishes that will be in their moving van come wednesday afternoon. she also takes a virtual tour of their new house and thinks, if it weren't right next door to rich, potential technological terrorists, it would be quite a lovely place to live.
they're busy, and the next time she properly sees eggsy, it's in "their" car, with the moving van in tow. ) Hello, darling, ( she greets. but it lacks the sincerity that her father greets her mother with, and roxy resolves to work on that before they arrive. eggsy drives, for once, and there's a bit of idle chatter, but for the most part they're quiet in anticipation of their mission.
it's a nice neighborhood. expensive; old buildings; well trimmed lawns and she can hear a few kids scrapping in the distance, and a dog barking. in the back seat, jb is at the window making the little excited boofs that dogs do when excited. and in the front seat, she brushes eggsy's wrist on the gear stick before he can kill the engine and get out — before everything really starts. )
Nothing personal, yeah? ( like that's going to be the motto of their entire stint as husband and wife. )
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